Santa Claus packed his suitcase and headed out the door with Mrs. Claus for the last time, heading for international waters.  it was a good run, but the cold weather was too much.

"looks like we get to be the Kringles again," Santa said, toasting a glass to Mrs. Claus from their modest house boat in the ocean.  not a single piece of metal was used in the build.

the elves set up for the Santa Claus contest.  they prepare the track for the reindeer race, ready a room in the work shop for the toy making contest, and set up the boxing ring.

I'll be up against Left Horse, Mr. Chaingun, and Weasel Blade.  really expected a bigger turnout but I like these odds.

"pick your reindeer!" a gravelly voice booms out from a huge elf.

Weasel Blade takes off like a rocket and jumps on the enormous Blitzen.  the big Left Horse goes to the massive Donder.  Mr. Chaingun smiles and walks over to the sleek Dasher.

"let's blow 'em all out of the water," I say to the ragged Prancer, "they'll never see us coming."  his coat may be dull, threadbare, with whole patches gone, his eyes weary from seeing countless centuries, but when I climb on his back, he's solid muscle and almost hot to the touch.  I catch Mr. Chaingun rolling his eyes.  he's gonna pay for that.

we line up to the starting line.  the track is almost oval, but with one of the edges pulled out a bit in the middle to make a wide and really rounded triangle.

"twenty laps" the big elf booms.  "on your mark, get set, go!"

Mr. Chaingun and Dasher explode from the starting line.  the rest of us keep an even and fast pace, giving each other room.  Left Horse falls behind a bit.  Weasel Blade and I are neck and neck.

"good shit!" Weasel Blade yells over at me, smiling.  "Chaingun's an idiot.  you'll see!"

Left Horse is falling behind big time and it looks like Mr. Chaingun's trying to lap him already.  he kicks Dasher in the sides and tries to pass Left Horse but he can't make it around them.  Mr. Chaingun and Dasher get kicked by the powerful Donder.  Dasher stumbles.  Mr. Chaingun kicks Dasher in the sides again, his face blood red.  Dasher throws him off and jumps out of the entire arena.  Weasel Blade points and laughs.  it's our arena now.

with just two laps left, and Weasel Blade and Blitzen keeping the same pace as Prancer and I, all of the sudden I feel Prancer tense up.  a wave of heat radiates from his body as he lets out a ferocious roar.  it feels like he doubles in speed.  I hold on for dear life as Prancer and I cross the finish line first!

"one point to Left Horse," roars the big elf, "two points to Weasel Blade, and hey" the elf points right at me "three points.  you earned it." in the distance I see a screaming and kicking Mr. Chaingun grabbed and carried off by elves and shoved into a translucent sphere.  the sphere takes off into the sky and vanishes into the horizon.

the big elf walks us into a wooden warehouse lit by candles and warm lights.  "Santa's gotta be one of the best elves," the big elf booms, "and we can build everything!  for this contest, it's toys." he hands us all a block of wood and a knife. "I'll come back in an hour!"

Left Horse digs in immediately.  Weasel Blade and I are lost.  "it's hard at first," Left Horse says to us "just like everything else.  you know I built my parent's house without using a single nail?  ain't a storm on earth that'll tear it down.  just do what I'm doing.  you all got me good on that reindeer race." 

Weasel Blade and I look closely at Left Horse's wood carving and follow the best we can but it's not even close.  "this may be the hardest shit I've done in my whole life," Weasel Blade says.  the hour is over.  Left Horse has a table full of fresh wood toys with working joints and sockets and just the tiniest of scraps.  we have a block of wood with chunks carved out.

"time's up!" the big elf yells, "and this," he says in amazement, "is magnificent!  unbelievable.  in all my years.  all of them!  there's been a lot, you know.  one point for Weasel Blade and two points for Left Horse!" we are left at a three way tie.

"next up's the boxing match," the big elf yells, gesturing to the ring.  "last one standing wins!" we climb into the ring and a bell sounds.  I see what looks like a red ball pop into sight, then nothing.  I open my eyes and find myself on the floor of the ring.  I turn my head up and see the much smaller Weasel Blade throwing punch after punch to Left Horse.  it looks like Left Horse is trying to throw hooks but it's no good.  Weasel Blade is relentless.  Left Horse crumples over like a dented beer can and the big elf has to stop the fight.

"would you look at that!" the big elf chuckles, "Weasel Blade!  our new, uh, Santa Claus?  our new Santa Claus!"  Weasel Blade lifts her arms up into the air and beams a huge smile, and gestures us to the food hall.  we each have a whole roasted duck and a gingerbread house to ourselves.  Left Horse and I start heading to the door.

"where the hell you think you're going?" Weasel Blade asks us with a smile.

"gonna start up the old wood shop again," Left Horse says, "don't need the money.  just remembered how much I love my craft." he heads to the door.  Weasel Blade grabs my arm and runs us to the elevator.  no idea what's gonna happen next but I feel like I should start getting used to the weather here.
